Microscopic Black Holes?

5 May 2008

Muriel, cool as ever, is ready to ensure public safety and has established a safe perimeter area.


Dear editor of ATLAS e-news,

I've a quick question - is there much discussion at CERN about the possibility of creating micro black holes when LHC turns on? I heard about it from another faculty member (apparently someone in Hawaii wants to file a lawsuit to delay the project), and then I heard it again on "The Daily Show" last night. And now, a student wants to study the issue for his semester research topic.

Have you, or Muriel been hearing about it?


Dear Paul,

I'm glad you ask the expert. I sure hope you haven't yet lost any sleep over this. Now talk about fussing about nothing: first of all, a hole, black to boot, and microscopic on top of that! If tiny, weeny little holes are going to get a big grown-up man like you all scared, holy banana, what would a big white bump do to you? And they tell me you used to play with dynamite in your youth?

At home, Fuzz and the gang have been asking me about it too, saying: "And what if one of them micro black holes was to hit us, right now?" My answer to them is: "No luck, kids. Finish your plate." If anything, humanity should be relieved. If only we could produce them and keep them is a micro black hole shaker. We'd have a means to get rid of villains or polluting cars in a flick. But no... They have to evaporate as soon as they are created. Bummer.

As my mother used to say: "If you ain't worth a law suit, you're ain't worth much!" Relax, spring is here, flowers are blooming, sun is shining, and out there in the vast universe, if a few of them microscopic black holes are being created as we speak, it means that they do exist but will create no harm. And the world will keep spinning and the LHC will go on as planned to bigger and better things: big, colourful and wonderful.

Yours, Muriel.



Muriel the Monkey




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